Growing Pains | At Home
Shaun drove Taylor over the mountains for a weekend with my parents.Its only been a couple hours and I ALREADY miss him.Yes, I've called my mom (twice) to check on him. Yes, I know they will have an amazing weekend and he will be well taken care of. And, yes, I know that having some time away from him and with my husband will be healthy for everyone involved...but even knowing all this, my heart still had an acute awareness of his absence when I got home from work today. I am so cognizant of my little boy now, its hollow when I don't have him right next to me. I long for quiet hours, but when they are here they stretch on and on and on...
I just long to be content in any circumstance; is this too much to ask? There are times where I feel bound by motherhood, other times where I experience freedom. My heart soars when he is laughing; it breaks when I see tears. I giggle when I can tell he is frustrated; and roll my eyes when he demands more fruit snacks. I never thought I would enjoy being a mom; I didn't like little kids because they can't "communicate" in a way that I understand. As with anything...we learn.
This is Taylor's "bear", it goes everywhere with him. He actually has two, a white one and a honey colored one. Bear is comfort. Bear is love. Bear is companionship. Bear makes the bumps and bruises we get along the way just a bit more tolerable. I know that both Taylor & I are experiencing growing pains. A couple weeks ago I started asking Taylor "Where is Taylor?" and he began to point to himself. He has an awareness of HIMSELF. He is now aware of his feelings, when he is sad, when he is happy, when he is angry, when he is playful, hungry, and bored. He is just now learning to put words to these feelings ~ it amazes me how children start this process of defining themselves and their emotions.I am learning to define and redefine and redefine and redefine my own worth; words and feelings are just the tools we use. I suppose it never ends.
The other day I met with a dear friend to discuss my business. I walked away feeling stretched, challenged and emotional (for good reasons). Not only am I called to constantly redefine who I am...now I need to continually redefine my business too??? I know its good, I know that we will walk through this and come out the other side with a clearer, stronger vision and direction.I have the strength to do the hard work. To trim the branches that do not bear fruit. I will not allow fear to consume and hinder what I want this to become. If you are the praying type, let me ask you to lift us up in prayer over this next month as I am looking to refine the vision and direction of this business. My hope is that we use images to bless people...I want to extend that...Its just a matter of how we go about it.
OH. In case you were wondering. Taylor went to Grandma & Grandpa's for the weekend because Shaun & I are heading to the beach for some time away. Believe me, its needed.