Relentless

Family certainly looks (and feels) different than I imagined it to be. Bouncing between husband, unloading the dishwasher, kids, moving the laundry form the washer to the dryer, more kids, wash a dish, kids, getting a snack...you get the idea. Sometimes I wonder where my creative soul gets caught into between it all. Where is the space to dream and create and there is just no easy answer for this. Winter months are long in the PNW, and its funny because it seems we all feel it (and we all seems to mention it around this time of year - HA!).The word that has come to my mind lately is RELENTLESS. And at first it was a hard word to accept. It appeared like an impossible mountain to climb. But I'm praying that this word starts to take a different shape and form. I'm praying that relentless starts to be an anthem of some sort as I push into the next ten years of motherhood, family, friendship, business and creative community. It seems strange that its been a decade of photography for me. While I can take a look around me and see photographers who have only been in the business for a small handful of years thriving and growing much faster than mine has. I have to question why I choose to go on. If it is comparison I am looking for, its all around, in abundance.  But I don't think I'm here to be in the rat race. I don't think I'm here to try and compare myself to others (social media makes that hard) but I'm here for my very own family.  I'm here because when its all said and done I am not a creative for anyone else but for my own soul to thrive.I am learning to have grace when I won't have the same kind of vision as some in my photography business, or creative industry for that matter.  There is freedom in allowing my photography to live on for my family. And that may seem insignificant and dreaming too small for most.  Along they way I may get a chance to work with other families and I'm so SO grateful for that.  They let me in and allow me into their hearts, trust me to portray their family in a way which is meaningful to them.  But when it comes down to it I'm learning to accept that photography is my way of telling my own family story in a way that no one else can.There is freedom from the "hustle" that so many new creatives might feel as they are bursting with ideas and passion. But for me, I am learning to be relentless about being true to who I am as a creative. Relentless about using film to photograph the families I work with. Relentless about photographing my children (or sometimes choosing not to photograph them) and about giving my creative soul a space to air out how it needs to.Did you know that there are these frogs that live in the Arctic that are only able to live, thrive even, because of their ability to allow their body to freeze in the winter.  They essentially just stop life, not fighting and clawing their way to the top when things get...chilly.  But when life starts to thaw and return they slowly, relentlessly, refuse to the season stop them from living their life.  Its funny how my heart shifts to fill the spaces I need it to. If I were to remain the same creative soul that I was 10 years ago I would have cracked long ago.  But, I can very much see now how learning to live in this creative space needs to be fluid. It needs to shrink and expand in order to survive.I am allowing myself to take a breathe, find inspiration where I can, and carry on with the circadian rhythm of my daily life.